Dolly?

How can you name a hurricane Dolly? Was there a magazine article in Cosmo that some gay guy took to heart on The 10 Ways to Brighten Up a Tragedy This Summer?

1. Name a hurricane something fresh and pretty! It will brighten your mood even when the strong winds come-a-knockin'. And ladies, don't for get to use an umbrella. Those winds sure can be harsh on your skin and hair! I recommend and Umbrella with a fresh and pretty floral design.
   
2. Unplanned pregnancy? Don't worry! Name it something fresh and pretty. It will brighten up your mood even when you feel like dying while pushing it out! Don't forget your umbrella!
   

Does the hurricane pose a threat or not? Because the only doll I can think of that poses any threat at all is Chucky, in which case, they should have just named it that. Oh, and that creepy doll that stays in one of my grandma's rooms may pose a threat, too, but only because (and this might be true) it seems like if you stare at it long enough it might turn it's head and look at you all creepy like. And then stab you in the heart with it's pointy doll finger.

Are we running out of names for Hurricanes? They have a book at Barnes and Noble called 500,000 Names. It even tells you what the name means so you can pick something scary like Satan or Dracula! I mean, if you need help and they don't have to be taken seriously I can totally help you out. The next 5 hurricane names should be:

• Batman ( "Batman is wreaking havoc on New Orleans like it's Joker!")
• Alphabet Soup ("This hurricane is spelling disaster all over Florida!")
  
• Bunny ("It's just hoppin' from place to place!")
• Doodle ("It's doodled here-It's doodled there.")
• Crap ("Don't step in Crap's way. It'll ruin your day!")

Hell, it's better than Dolly--"Helloooo Dolly!" What the crap? Like were supposed to be excited about a massive storm that has been known to wipe out entire cities!

"Look, Dan! Get the video camera! Dolly is coming! Dolly is coming! Helloooo dolly!" And then all you hear on the camera after that is, "Oh crap. Oh man! Dan! (gasp) Dan! I can't (gasp) swim! This dolly (gasp) is not like the ones (gasp) I had as a kid! Did a mean 4 (gasp) yr old shave her (gasp) head? Cause (gasp) she's angry!"

Miley Cyrus = Big Mac

Earlier today I happened to be taking a nap in a chair. In between bouts of consciousness, I realized that TRL was on. Now I have quite a few problems with MTV's "musical televison" and more specifically TRL (the fact that they don't play entire videos, and the fact that it's basically just a vessel to stroke celebrity egos), but today my issue was a bit more specific.

I have only recently encountered this whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon, and it's confusing. Apparently the Disney channel decided that it wanted to take a marginally talented, underage jailbait girl, who happens to be the daughter of one hit wonder BILLY RAY (insert string of "whooo boy", "yeeeehaw", "honketonk", "achy breaky whatever" here) and develop a whole marketing juggernaut around her. Not only does she have a TV show, but they decided to market her as a 'musician', because why the fuck not?

I have a problem with a gigantic corporation methodically producing bland, uninspiring, cliche music to shove down our throats via corporate radio in general. But whatever.

The more specific thing I noticed while watching TRL was the fact that they were having a contest to determine the "biggest Miley fan." Whoever this magical person was, they got a t-shirt or something, and the satisfaction of knowing that they are basically devoting their lives to a 15 year old girl who isn't even that talented. It's like worshiping the movie "Boondock Saints." Yea, it's entertaining and all, but is it really worth obsessing over? No.

I was treated to quite the parade of the pathetic though. The first person was a guy (much to my surprise) who had taken a picture of himself on prom with a standup of Miley. I laughed, since he definitely went to prom by himself, and then became concerned, since the level of sadness that it takes to purchase a Miley Cyrus standup and then pose with it on prom is a level that I can't comprehend. Enjoy your basement sir.

The next three were a few girls, one who owned a skirt that matched Mileys (big deal), a girl who declared the Hannah Montana cd her favorite ever (which is just fucked up, considering the amount of actually talented artists out there), and some other girl who I can't remember anything about. Maybe she had a coaster or something. Who cares.

Outside was an even bigger group of girls of varying ages, all screaming their heads off about this person. I just can't understand what the big deal is at all. These people aren't worshiping an actual talent, all they do is worship the product of a team of marketers, producers, and other corporate backers. It's worshiping the Big Mac, but a Big Mac with an album.

My solution was to take the group of people that show up for TRL, tell them they get to "go backstage and meet ______", and load them on a barge,and ship them to another continent such as South America. I'm pretty confident that those people,with their level of intelligence, couldn't find their way back.

In 2004 I started a blog called I Only Speak the Truth. I’m not sure when Jameson started his, but it was before mine—I do know that. After creating my blog I found that I could browse Blogger and read what other people had to say. I probably went through 100 different blogs (that weren’t in English) before I ran across Jameson’s blog College Is Fun. His material was absolutely hilarious. After reading all of his banter, I realized I had to be this guy’s friend. So, I commented on one of his posts and he commented back on one of mine and that’s how it went for a good two years.

Until the Summer of 2006 (around then at least) when Jameson came to Oklahoma for his first visit, we talked on AIM , commented on each other’s posts, and took frequent smoke-breaks over the phone together. Our friendship, in my view, is probably the single most random happening ever.

For the past four years (or so) we have traded entertaining stories about being drunk and making people cry. Through the stories we have shared it has been concluded that we share a very important common denominator. We enjoy being assholes. So, here it is, people a product of our assholeishness. Please enjoy.

A New Page

I'm currently watching "I Love the New Millenium." This might make this post a bit disjointed as I'm trying to think and watch c-list actors and half rate comedians comment on random shit at the same time. They are commenting on "To Catch A Predator," the single best show ever, which is a plus.

Anyway.

A few days (maybe weeks) ago, Brittany told me she wrote another post on her old blog. Considering neither of us had really contributed to either of our blogs regularly in something like two years, this was rather odd. So basically after talking a while, we decided that we no longer really wanted to blog about drunken nights (me) or making the 20 somethings of OKC cry (her) but still wanted to write. This is the end result.

I'm still not exactly sure what the exact focus is here, we'll see where it goes.

And as for the name, loosely translated it means "I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away."

And considering that no one has read this yet, it looks like they are.