Here are some things that I didn't enjoy today:

1. The rain. It's been raining a lot lately. The rain puts a damper on my day(yes, pun intended). The thing I don't like about rain is that it makes me sleepy and less productive than usual. I spent a large portion of my day watching the Discovery Channel. Don't get me wrong--I like the Discovery Channel, but I can only watch so much of the Deadliest Catch. What a scary job those crab fisherman(is it really fishing, or is it crabbing?) have. I, for one, hate the cold. Oh, and crabs are only great when they're dead. When they're alive they are scary as hell.

2. My hair falling out. I mean, I don't know if it's really falling out, or if it's just getting so long that it seems like more is coming out. I just know that it is really freaking me out. My dad told me that I should get some Rogain for women. I don't know if that was a joke or not. You can't really tell when he's joking. When I was little, I really believed that his "favorite kids" lived in the attic. My little sister also believed him when he told her that he wasn't her dad, but "the other man" was. That didn't go over so well when my little sister told our Grandmother that. Oh, Dad, you really should learn to use facial expressions when you're joking.

3. Britney Spears. I know this one is totally random, but I watched the VMAs today. She won like three awards that she didn't even deserve. Each time she accepted her award she thanked God, her beautiful family(that apparently inspire her everyday--yea, to drink!), and the people. That's nice, right? No. She talked much like a robot, and she had a blank look on her face the entire time. Now that I think about it she was probably on medication 'cause she's friggin' crazier than a loon. Even then couldn't she have at least pretended like she was happy? Maybe she is just a robot. Maybe science has created human-like robots, but they haven't mastered facial expression yet. Maybe in addition to thanking God, her beautiful family, and the people, she should have thanked science and her Dr. as well. Maybe I just made a discovery that I shouldn't have and the C.I.A. is going to come zap my memory of the VMAs away like in Men In Black. SWEET!!

Relationships have never been my forte. The one thing that I am confident about when it comes to relationships is ending them. All of the in between hullabaloo is completely confusing and very annoying. For instance, I am not used to having to be considerate of the opposite sex’s feelings. I’m also not used to being told I’m wrong. These are two things that are taking a very long time to get used to.
I have been in a relationship for –oh- about a year and three months. Please don’t hold me to that. I’m not all about the, “Hey baby, how are we going to celebrate our 2 month anniversary?” bull. I can not honestly tell you when we started dating. I just know that it was roughly a year and three months ago or thereabouts. What ever. Anyhow, we’ve been together for however long and things are just now starting to get a little rocky.
I’m going to be completely honest and say that some of it is my fault; however, I don’t like hearing that. When I am told it’s my fault, it hurts my feelings and makes me throw things (inanimate objects—nothing important). It’s childish, and I realize this, but I like the chance to decide whether it’s my fault or not. Don’t judge me. I will also say that I can be a little demanding at times. I think we are all guilty of that. Probably not as much as me but still—GUILTY! Do I want to be told that? No. I would have realized it eventually. Maybe.
My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I tell him that I don’t like what he is wearing. Now, I’m sure that most men would agree with him on that one, but I’m sorry that I want him to take pride in how he looks. And those jeans were horrendous. I don’t think I’m demanding just because I told him to change them. I’m also not demanding just because I told him to blow dry his hair a little, or because I told him to put some wax in it. It’s not like I want him to change his whole style, just his hair and his jeans. Is that too much to ask?
At any rate, I guess the point of this is that relationships are even harder when you actually love the person. I mean, if I was still a serial dater…well we all know what would have happened the first time I didn’t like his jeans.

Dolly?

How can you name a hurricane Dolly? Was there a magazine article in Cosmo that some gay guy took to heart on The 10 Ways to Brighten Up a Tragedy This Summer?

1. Name a hurricane something fresh and pretty! It will brighten your mood even when the strong winds come-a-knockin'. And ladies, don't for get to use an umbrella. Those winds sure can be harsh on your skin and hair! I recommend and Umbrella with a fresh and pretty floral design.
   
2. Unplanned pregnancy? Don't worry! Name it something fresh and pretty. It will brighten up your mood even when you feel like dying while pushing it out! Don't forget your umbrella!
   

Does the hurricane pose a threat or not? Because the only doll I can think of that poses any threat at all is Chucky, in which case, they should have just named it that. Oh, and that creepy doll that stays in one of my grandma's rooms may pose a threat, too, but only because (and this might be true) it seems like if you stare at it long enough it might turn it's head and look at you all creepy like. And then stab you in the heart with it's pointy doll finger.

Are we running out of names for Hurricanes? They have a book at Barnes and Noble called 500,000 Names. It even tells you what the name means so you can pick something scary like Satan or Dracula! I mean, if you need help and they don't have to be taken seriously I can totally help you out. The next 5 hurricane names should be:

• Batman ( "Batman is wreaking havoc on New Orleans like it's Joker!")
• Alphabet Soup ("This hurricane is spelling disaster all over Florida!")
  
• Bunny ("It's just hoppin' from place to place!")
• Doodle ("It's doodled here-It's doodled there.")
• Crap ("Don't step in Crap's way. It'll ruin your day!")

Hell, it's better than Dolly--"Helloooo Dolly!" What the crap? Like were supposed to be excited about a massive storm that has been known to wipe out entire cities!

"Look, Dan! Get the video camera! Dolly is coming! Dolly is coming! Helloooo dolly!" And then all you hear on the camera after that is, "Oh crap. Oh man! Dan! (gasp) Dan! I can't (gasp) swim! This dolly (gasp) is not like the ones (gasp) I had as a kid! Did a mean 4 (gasp) yr old shave her (gasp) head? Cause (gasp) she's angry!"

Miley Cyrus = Big Mac

Earlier today I happened to be taking a nap in a chair. In between bouts of consciousness, I realized that TRL was on. Now I have quite a few problems with MTV's "musical televison" and more specifically TRL (the fact that they don't play entire videos, and the fact that it's basically just a vessel to stroke celebrity egos), but today my issue was a bit more specific.

I have only recently encountered this whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon, and it's confusing. Apparently the Disney channel decided that it wanted to take a marginally talented, underage jailbait girl, who happens to be the daughter of one hit wonder BILLY RAY (insert string of "whooo boy", "yeeeehaw", "honketonk", "achy breaky whatever" here) and develop a whole marketing juggernaut around her. Not only does she have a TV show, but they decided to market her as a 'musician', because why the fuck not?

I have a problem with a gigantic corporation methodically producing bland, uninspiring, cliche music to shove down our throats via corporate radio in general. But whatever.

The more specific thing I noticed while watching TRL was the fact that they were having a contest to determine the "biggest Miley fan." Whoever this magical person was, they got a t-shirt or something, and the satisfaction of knowing that they are basically devoting their lives to a 15 year old girl who isn't even that talented. It's like worshiping the movie "Boondock Saints." Yea, it's entertaining and all, but is it really worth obsessing over? No.

I was treated to quite the parade of the pathetic though. The first person was a guy (much to my surprise) who had taken a picture of himself on prom with a standup of Miley. I laughed, since he definitely went to prom by himself, and then became concerned, since the level of sadness that it takes to purchase a Miley Cyrus standup and then pose with it on prom is a level that I can't comprehend. Enjoy your basement sir.

The next three were a few girls, one who owned a skirt that matched Mileys (big deal), a girl who declared the Hannah Montana cd her favorite ever (which is just fucked up, considering the amount of actually talented artists out there), and some other girl who I can't remember anything about. Maybe she had a coaster or something. Who cares.

Outside was an even bigger group of girls of varying ages, all screaming their heads off about this person. I just can't understand what the big deal is at all. These people aren't worshiping an actual talent, all they do is worship the product of a team of marketers, producers, and other corporate backers. It's worshiping the Big Mac, but a Big Mac with an album.

My solution was to take the group of people that show up for TRL, tell them they get to "go backstage and meet ______", and load them on a barge,and ship them to another continent such as South America. I'm pretty confident that those people,with their level of intelligence, couldn't find their way back.

In 2004 I started a blog called I Only Speak the Truth. I’m not sure when Jameson started his, but it was before mine—I do know that. After creating my blog I found that I could browse Blogger and read what other people had to say. I probably went through 100 different blogs (that weren’t in English) before I ran across Jameson’s blog College Is Fun. His material was absolutely hilarious. After reading all of his banter, I realized I had to be this guy’s friend. So, I commented on one of his posts and he commented back on one of mine and that’s how it went for a good two years.

Until the Summer of 2006 (around then at least) when Jameson came to Oklahoma for his first visit, we talked on AIM , commented on each other’s posts, and took frequent smoke-breaks over the phone together. Our friendship, in my view, is probably the single most random happening ever.

For the past four years (or so) we have traded entertaining stories about being drunk and making people cry. Through the stories we have shared it has been concluded that we share a very important common denominator. We enjoy being assholes. So, here it is, people a product of our assholeishness. Please enjoy.

A New Page

I'm currently watching "I Love the New Millenium." This might make this post a bit disjointed as I'm trying to think and watch c-list actors and half rate comedians comment on random shit at the same time. They are commenting on "To Catch A Predator," the single best show ever, which is a plus.

Anyway.

A few days (maybe weeks) ago, Brittany told me she wrote another post on her old blog. Considering neither of us had really contributed to either of our blogs regularly in something like two years, this was rather odd. So basically after talking a while, we decided that we no longer really wanted to blog about drunken nights (me) or making the 20 somethings of OKC cry (her) but still wanted to write. This is the end result.

I'm still not exactly sure what the exact focus is here, we'll see where it goes.

And as for the name, loosely translated it means "I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away."

And considering that no one has read this yet, it looks like they are.