Miley Cyrus = Big Mac

Earlier today I happened to be taking a nap in a chair. In between bouts of consciousness, I realized that TRL was on. Now I have quite a few problems with MTV's "musical televison" and more specifically TRL (the fact that they don't play entire videos, and the fact that it's basically just a vessel to stroke celebrity egos), but today my issue was a bit more specific.

I have only recently encountered this whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon, and it's confusing. Apparently the Disney channel decided that it wanted to take a marginally talented, underage jailbait girl, who happens to be the daughter of one hit wonder BILLY RAY (insert string of "whooo boy", "yeeeehaw", "honketonk", "achy breaky whatever" here) and develop a whole marketing juggernaut around her. Not only does she have a TV show, but they decided to market her as a 'musician', because why the fuck not?

I have a problem with a gigantic corporation methodically producing bland, uninspiring, cliche music to shove down our throats via corporate radio in general. But whatever.

The more specific thing I noticed while watching TRL was the fact that they were having a contest to determine the "biggest Miley fan." Whoever this magical person was, they got a t-shirt or something, and the satisfaction of knowing that they are basically devoting their lives to a 15 year old girl who isn't even that talented. It's like worshiping the movie "Boondock Saints." Yea, it's entertaining and all, but is it really worth obsessing over? No.

I was treated to quite the parade of the pathetic though. The first person was a guy (much to my surprise) who had taken a picture of himself on prom with a standup of Miley. I laughed, since he definitely went to prom by himself, and then became concerned, since the level of sadness that it takes to purchase a Miley Cyrus standup and then pose with it on prom is a level that I can't comprehend. Enjoy your basement sir.

The next three were a few girls, one who owned a skirt that matched Mileys (big deal), a girl who declared the Hannah Montana cd her favorite ever (which is just fucked up, considering the amount of actually talented artists out there), and some other girl who I can't remember anything about. Maybe she had a coaster or something. Who cares.

Outside was an even bigger group of girls of varying ages, all screaming their heads off about this person. I just can't understand what the big deal is at all. These people aren't worshiping an actual talent, all they do is worship the product of a team of marketers, producers, and other corporate backers. It's worshiping the Big Mac, but a Big Mac with an album.

My solution was to take the group of people that show up for TRL, tell them they get to "go backstage and meet ______", and load them on a barge,and ship them to another continent such as South America. I'm pretty confident that those people,with their level of intelligence, couldn't find their way back.