This may come as a surprise to you just like it did me. Apparently, uh, I'm an ass-hole.
My friend recently told me that he thinks I am unaware of how rude I sound sometimes. He thinks I don't think before I speak. Well, you know what I think? HE'S A DUMB-ASS! And yes, I completely thought that statement through before I typed it.
The thing is, is that my brain is really great at coming up with amazingly douchy things to say, and since I don't like wasting perfectly good thoughts-- I say them. Truthfully, I would not even make the douchy remarks if my ears were not offended by other people's constant stupidity. If you tell me that you never leave your home without at least $1,000 worth of clothes on, I'm probably going to be an ass-hole. If you tell me, with your most serious face on, that you would probably be nicer to me if I weren't so hot, I am probably going to ruin your world with my words. It's what I do. It's who I am.
Your stupidity warrants my being an ass-hole. Remember that always.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
I'm currently pondering a thought that may be a bit too deep for my usual trains of thought.
Looking around pictures of people on facebook, most of whom I used to at the least see around occasionally in high school, to the people who I had various in depth conversations, good and or bad times, life changing moments, and relationships to varying degrees, I had an odd realization come over me.
I don't seem to actually know any of these people. The pictures that I see and the names I glance over don't seem to actually register with the fact that these were people that I shared real-life experiences with. It seems hard to reconcile whatever they're doing now, or even the pictures of "way back when" with any actual concrete event. I mean, I remember these times, and I know they were there along with me - but there's some sort of hard to describe disconnect that's slightly disturbing. This is especially true with those who I spent a significant amount of time with and consider better friends.
I wonder if this is just something I experience, or if it's not that unusual. The person who I saw at a party one time sophomore year seems about as equal as the people I spent four years in high school with, at least in the way I view the slideshow of my memory.
It's vaguely like almost everyone I know or knew is as strange to me as the person I randomly pass on the street and think I may have seen before.
Disconcerting, to say the least.
-Jameson
Looking around pictures of people on facebook, most of whom I used to at the least see around occasionally in high school, to the people who I had various in depth conversations, good and or bad times, life changing moments, and relationships to varying degrees, I had an odd realization come over me.
I don't seem to actually know any of these people. The pictures that I see and the names I glance over don't seem to actually register with the fact that these were people that I shared real-life experiences with. It seems hard to reconcile whatever they're doing now, or even the pictures of "way back when" with any actual concrete event. I mean, I remember these times, and I know they were there along with me - but there's some sort of hard to describe disconnect that's slightly disturbing. This is especially true with those who I spent a significant amount of time with and consider better friends.
I wonder if this is just something I experience, or if it's not that unusual. The person who I saw at a party one time sophomore year seems about as equal as the people I spent four years in high school with, at least in the way I view the slideshow of my memory.
It's vaguely like almost everyone I know or knew is as strange to me as the person I randomly pass on the street and think I may have seen before.
Disconcerting, to say the least.
-Jameson
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
And now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around, oh no
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
Oh, but I can tell you exactly how it will end
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you will find
Well, I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have any other way
Oh, but I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same (every day)
Every day is exactly the same (there is no pain)
There is no love here, and there is no pain (every day)
Every day is exactly the same (every day is the same)
Video
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
And now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around, oh no
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
Oh, but I can tell you exactly how it will end
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you will find
Well, I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have any other way
Oh, but I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here, and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same (every day)
Every day is exactly the same (there is no pain)
There is no love here, and there is no pain (every day)
Every day is exactly the same (every day is the same)
Video
Friday, February 6, 2009
Use Somebody - KoL
Considering the fact that I'm clearly underrepresented on this site of which half is to be mine, I figured I should come back and spew some words.
Update. I no longer get the privilege of sitting around college campuses midwest-wide to get smashed and go on adventures. A while ago I dropped of the face of my social radar and procured a job. I'm still in the process of deciding if this was a good idea or not.
I no longer live in the midwest, a goal I'd hoped to achieve for a while. I am in a place that's nice all the time, but I happen to be mostly surrounded by people with even less social aptitude than I in a community that old people go to before they die. With only three decent bars to go to, my ideas for fun are rapidly declining. Never did I think I would miss the midwest as much as I currently do- apparently a haven for drunken bitterness is created when winter blasts the shit out of your bones for a while and leaves nothing but a craving for beer and scotch.
I haven't really had any life changing events occur unlike my compatriot. I do think that I'm slowly losing the ability to feel strongly about anything in particular though, a thought that might concern me if again, I really cared about it. One of the problems of becoming a too big of a picture person.
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust."
Not quite that extreme, but I use any opportunity to quote that movie.
Well fuck, let's get out of my boring updates and melancholy observations eh?
-Jameson
Update. I no longer get the privilege of sitting around college campuses midwest-wide to get smashed and go on adventures. A while ago I dropped of the face of my social radar and procured a job. I'm still in the process of deciding if this was a good idea or not.
I no longer live in the midwest, a goal I'd hoped to achieve for a while. I am in a place that's nice all the time, but I happen to be mostly surrounded by people with even less social aptitude than I in a community that old people go to before they die. With only three decent bars to go to, my ideas for fun are rapidly declining. Never did I think I would miss the midwest as much as I currently do- apparently a haven for drunken bitterness is created when winter blasts the shit out of your bones for a while and leaves nothing but a craving for beer and scotch.
I haven't really had any life changing events occur unlike my compatriot. I do think that I'm slowly losing the ability to feel strongly about anything in particular though, a thought that might concern me if again, I really cared about it. One of the problems of becoming a too big of a picture person.
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust."
Not quite that extreme, but I use any opportunity to quote that movie.
Well fuck, let's get out of my boring updates and melancholy observations eh?
-Jameson
difficulty, destruction, and other precious moments...
Let me begin this by saying FUCK.
Ah, that's better.
Life. What a stupid word. I mean, I'm glad that I have one (of sorts). And no, I don't want to end mine, but seriously. It's a stupid fucking broad ass word, and right now I hate it.
Life is like a ridiculously hard math equation (and let's be honest here-- math is not my strong point) with squared numbers and pie. I thought I had the problem half way worked out, but when numbers just randomly disappear from the equation you have to completely reconstruct the entire thing and start over. And dammit, I can't find my fucking calculator.
I'm confusing myself. I'll start over.
I had a boyfriend. He's gone now. He was about as yummy as Someone Else's half eaten taco, but I still kind of like loved him and shit. Gay, I know. I just thought that he was the one for me, you know? The stupid dating games had ended, and I was finally going to have my dumb-ass happily ever after. I was ready for that. Now, he's probably off nursing a bottle jagermeister, smoking a joint, and crying cause he lost the hottest girl he will ever get. I'm just now starting to realize that hot and ugly do not go together. Hot and hot go together. I very well could have had ugly kids, you guys. So, I guess it's OK that he went away. I have to preserve my hot genes for someone with equal or better hot genes. No more Skinny genes, though. I am so over those.
Lately it just seems like I wander through one shit-storm after another. I keep putting my happiness aside for this or that, and dammit I'm done. I'm 23 and still feel 12. I feel a lack of control over my own life. I feel like I can't be happy until everyone else around me is giving me a standing ovation and saying, "God Job, Brit. Now we are proud of you!"
Have you ever forgotten that you are the ultimate decision maker in your own life? I feel like I have given a piece of control to everyone in my life, and I have left myself with zero. So, sorry guys, but I am going to be an Indian-Giver and take it all back. I think I will be a lot happier if I don't feel like I have a OU Football Stadium worth of people watching me to see if I am going to GO! ALL! THE! WAY! or not. I hate feeling like I am letting people down. It's like the worst feeling ever (next to getting flicked in the balls, probably).
So that was difficulty and destruction. Here are some other precious moments:
1. I went on a "date" and had to leave the bar we were hanging out in so he could take a poop in the privacy of his own home. I was confused as hell because who doesn't get all the poop out before the date? If I was a privacy-only-pooper I would probably try to save myself from the humiliation of having to leave the public place with my date to take a deuce. That's just me. Unless that was his way of insuring that he would never have to see me again. If that was the case then kudos, Man. Mad props for going to that embarrassing level.
2. I had a social gathering in the comfort of my own bedroom. I didn't know it was going to come to that, but it was pretty entertaining. I actually watched 3 semi-hot guys lose all attractiveness by drinking a bag of wine (formerly a box) like it was gold, chocolate, and a boob all at once. It was that intense. I eventually had to ask for I.D.s because they were acting like it was some sweet nectar of the Gods that had never before been graced upon their tongue. It was called Delicious Red but ,JESUS, it wasn't that great.
Well, I guess this is going to have to wrap it up for this time. I will add more later.
Peace.
Ah, that's better.
Life. What a stupid word. I mean, I'm glad that I have one (of sorts). And no, I don't want to end mine, but seriously. It's a stupid fucking broad ass word, and right now I hate it.
Life is like a ridiculously hard math equation (and let's be honest here-- math is not my strong point) with squared numbers and pie. I thought I had the problem half way worked out, but when numbers just randomly disappear from the equation you have to completely reconstruct the entire thing and start over. And dammit, I can't find my fucking calculator.
I'm confusing myself. I'll start over.
I had a boyfriend. He's gone now. He was about as yummy as Someone Else's half eaten taco, but I still kind of like loved him and shit. Gay, I know. I just thought that he was the one for me, you know? The stupid dating games had ended, and I was finally going to have my dumb-ass happily ever after. I was ready for that. Now, he's probably off nursing a bottle jagermeister, smoking a joint, and crying cause he lost the hottest girl he will ever get. I'm just now starting to realize that hot and ugly do not go together. Hot and hot go together. I very well could have had ugly kids, you guys. So, I guess it's OK that he went away. I have to preserve my hot genes for someone with equal or better hot genes. No more Skinny genes, though. I am so over those.
Lately it just seems like I wander through one shit-storm after another. I keep putting my happiness aside for this or that, and dammit I'm done. I'm 23 and still feel 12. I feel a lack of control over my own life. I feel like I can't be happy until everyone else around me is giving me a standing ovation and saying, "God Job, Brit. Now we are proud of you!"
Have you ever forgotten that you are the ultimate decision maker in your own life? I feel like I have given a piece of control to everyone in my life, and I have left myself with zero. So, sorry guys, but I am going to be an Indian-Giver and take it all back. I think I will be a lot happier if I don't feel like I have a OU Football Stadium worth of people watching me to see if I am going to GO! ALL! THE! WAY! or not. I hate feeling like I am letting people down. It's like the worst feeling ever (next to getting flicked in the balls, probably).
So that was difficulty and destruction. Here are some other precious moments:
1. I went on a "date" and had to leave the bar we were hanging out in so he could take a poop in the privacy of his own home. I was confused as hell because who doesn't get all the poop out before the date? If I was a privacy-only-pooper I would probably try to save myself from the humiliation of having to leave the public place with my date to take a deuce. That's just me. Unless that was his way of insuring that he would never have to see me again. If that was the case then kudos, Man. Mad props for going to that embarrassing level.
2. I had a social gathering in the comfort of my own bedroom. I didn't know it was going to come to that, but it was pretty entertaining. I actually watched 3 semi-hot guys lose all attractiveness by drinking a bag of wine (formerly a box) like it was gold, chocolate, and a boob all at once. It was that intense. I eventually had to ask for I.D.s because they were acting like it was some sweet nectar of the Gods that had never before been graced upon their tongue. It was called Delicious Red but ,JESUS, it wasn't that great.
Well, I guess this is going to have to wrap it up for this time. I will add more later.
Peace.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Here are some things that I didn't enjoy today:
1. The rain. It's been raining a lot lately. The rain puts a damper on my day(yes, pun intended). The thing I don't like about rain is that it makes me sleepy and less productive than usual. I spent a large portion of my day watching the Discovery Channel. Don't get me wrong--I like the Discovery Channel, but I can only watch so much of the Deadliest Catch. What a scary job those crab fisherman(is it really fishing, or is it crabbing?) have. I, for one, hate the cold. Oh, and crabs are only great when they're dead. When they're alive they are scary as hell.
2. My hair falling out. I mean, I don't know if it's really falling out, or if it's just getting so long that it seems like more is coming out. I just know that it is really freaking me out. My dad told me that I should get some Rogain for women. I don't know if that was a joke or not. You can't really tell when he's joking. When I was little, I really believed that his "favorite kids" lived in the attic. My little sister also believed him when he told her that he wasn't her dad, but "the other man" was. That didn't go over so well when my little sister told our Grandmother that. Oh, Dad, you really should learn to use facial expressions when you're joking.
3. Britney Spears. I know this one is totally random, but I watched the VMAs today. She won like three awards that she didn't even deserve. Each time she accepted her award she thanked God, her beautiful family(that apparently inspire her everyday--yea, to drink!), and the people. That's nice, right? No. She talked much like a robot, and she had a blank look on her face the entire time. Now that I think about it she was probably on medication 'cause she's friggin' crazier than a loon. Even then couldn't she have at least pretended like she was happy? Maybe she is just a robot. Maybe science has created human-like robots, but they haven't mastered facial expression yet. Maybe in addition to thanking God, her beautiful family, and the people, she should have thanked science and her Dr. as well. Maybe I just made a discovery that I shouldn't have and the C.I.A. is going to come zap my memory of the VMAs away like in Men In Black. SWEET!!
2. My hair falling out. I mean, I don't know if it's really falling out, or if it's just getting so long that it seems like more is coming out. I just know that it is really freaking me out. My dad told me that I should get some Rogain for women. I don't know if that was a joke or not. You can't really tell when he's joking. When I was little, I really believed that his "favorite kids" lived in the attic. My little sister also believed him when he told her that he wasn't her dad, but "the other man" was. That didn't go over so well when my little sister told our Grandmother that. Oh, Dad, you really should learn to use facial expressions when you're joking.
3. Britney Spears. I know this one is totally random, but I watched the VMAs today. She won like three awards that she didn't even deserve. Each time she accepted her award she thanked God, her beautiful family(that apparently inspire her everyday--yea, to drink!), and the people. That's nice, right? No. She talked much like a robot, and she had a blank look on her face the entire time. Now that I think about it she was probably on medication 'cause she's friggin' crazier than a loon. Even then couldn't she have at least pretended like she was happy? Maybe she is just a robot. Maybe science has created human-like robots, but they haven't mastered facial expression yet. Maybe in addition to thanking God, her beautiful family, and the people, she should have thanked science and her Dr. as well. Maybe I just made a discovery that I shouldn't have and the C.I.A. is going to come zap my memory of the VMAs away like in Men In Black. SWEET!!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Relationships have never been my forte. The one thing that I am confident about when it comes to relationships is ending them. All of the in between hullabaloo is completely confusing and very annoying. For instance, I am not used to having to be considerate of the opposite sex’s feelings. I’m also not used to being told I’m wrong. These are two things that are taking a very long time to get used to.
I have been in a relationship for –oh- about a year and three months. Please don’t hold me to that. I’m not all about the, “Hey baby, how are we going to celebrate our 2 month anniversary?” bull. I can not honestly tell you when we started dating. I just know that it was roughly a year and three months ago or thereabouts. What ever. Anyhow, we’ve been together for however long and things are just now starting to get a little rocky.
I’m going to be completely honest and say that some of it is my fault; however, I don’t like hearing that. When I am told it’s my fault, it hurts my feelings and makes me throw things (inanimate objects—nothing important). It’s childish, and I realize this, but I like the chance to decide whether it’s my fault or not. Don’t judge me. I will also say that I can be a little demanding at times. I think we are all guilty of that. Probably not as much as me but still—GUILTY! Do I want to be told that? No. I would have realized it eventually. Maybe.
My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I tell him that I don’t like what he is wearing. Now, I’m sure that most men would agree with him on that one, but I’m sorry that I want him to take pride in how he looks. And those jeans were horrendous. I don’t think I’m demanding just because I told him to change them. I’m also not demanding just because I told him to blow dry his hair a little, or because I told him to put some wax in it. It’s not like I want him to change his whole style, just his hair and his jeans. Is that too much to ask?
At any rate, I guess the point of this is that relationships are even harder when you actually love the person. I mean, if I was still a serial dater…well we all know what would have happened the first time I didn’t like his jeans.
I have been in a relationship for –oh- about a year and three months. Please don’t hold me to that. I’m not all about the, “Hey baby, how are we going to celebrate our 2 month anniversary?” bull. I can not honestly tell you when we started dating. I just know that it was roughly a year and three months ago or thereabouts. What ever. Anyhow, we’ve been together for however long and things are just now starting to get a little rocky.
I’m going to be completely honest and say that some of it is my fault; however, I don’t like hearing that. When I am told it’s my fault, it hurts my feelings and makes me throw things (inanimate objects—nothing important). It’s childish, and I realize this, but I like the chance to decide whether it’s my fault or not. Don’t judge me. I will also say that I can be a little demanding at times. I think we are all guilty of that. Probably not as much as me but still—GUILTY! Do I want to be told that? No. I would have realized it eventually. Maybe.
My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I tell him that I don’t like what he is wearing. Now, I’m sure that most men would agree with him on that one, but I’m sorry that I want him to take pride in how he looks. And those jeans were horrendous. I don’t think I’m demanding just because I told him to change them. I’m also not demanding just because I told him to blow dry his hair a little, or because I told him to put some wax in it. It’s not like I want him to change his whole style, just his hair and his jeans. Is that too much to ask?
At any rate, I guess the point of this is that relationships are even harder when you actually love the person. I mean, if I was still a serial dater…well we all know what would have happened the first time I didn’t like his jeans.
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